Sensation comes closer to the language of the soul than word or thought ever can.
(Is it clever? Will it draw the reader in? What will the Christians think?)
In a certain sense, for the mind at least, the soul is sensation. It may be love but, if so, it is not so much warm and fuzzy as it is tender and bright. A new sensation, then, a new feeling.
(“It’s not . .. yesterday. . . anymore!” Talking Heads’ first single from their first album; have I been primed from adolescence to convey this message? “In front … of a face … that’s nearer. Than it’s ever been before!”)
Imagine, if you can, the sensation of a tiny chick as it pushes through the protein membrane of the interior of an egg (the shell is already broken), experiencing for the first time the gentle cessation of pressure as skin meets air: the world outside the egg.
(This being the author’s clumsy attempt to languify an ineffable but unforgettable experience on the last day of the most recent Dave Oshana retreat. Divided between the fear of reducing something sublime to mere words on a screen, and the desire to articulate something so new and wonderful that not to do so seems like another kind of disrespect.)
The soul that emerges thus is perhaps even more porous or substance-less than the air that meets and greets it. The meeting of pure, liberated soul-perception with reality, existence “outside,” is the merging of both, an act of love between two ineffables.
(Is that what happened—what is happening—or is it a poetic counterfeit assembled by the false identity as a means to prevent it from ever happening again? Or is the doubting voice that?)
Existence, in fact, is the infinite space of encounter between these two planes: one (the soul) a sphere, the other (reality) the inverse shape of what surrounds a sphere and extends from that concave spheroid (the chick’s new “egg”), infinitely in every direction. Perception that neither flinches nor recoils from what it perceives ~ absorbs everything effortlessly, and so expands into it, an infinite balloon.
It is love, in a peculiar way.
(This will mean next to nothing to anyone who has no experience like it. It barely means anything to me—my mind—now the experience is precisely two weeks in the past. Yet I know it to be true.)
Now the word love, like the word soul, might capture your awareness for the instant it takes to read it. But what happens in that instant? Existence—love—has already moved elsewhere. But so has “you.”
There is no substitute for this experience of soul-love meeting existence because there is nothing else in existence but this. How long must we procrastinate and prevaricate before noticing this? How long before we finally find what we are looking for?
I recently realized that the opposite of liberation is de-liberation. Just in time for Independence Day.
(Finally, something clever! Back on safe ground, playing around with words, which is one thing I feel sure words are good for.)
So do we deliberately deliberate, running around to this beat of defeat, for reasons so vast, ancient, and complex that we could literally spend entire lifetimes (and do) mulling over the reasons not to emerge from the deep-shadow cast by our musings? As if this were the only way to convince ourselves to finally act?
(Partly, this why I wrote this blogpost at all, because I felt it would be better to liberate whatever was in me than to deliberate endlessly over all the ways I might do it better, or differently.)
Not that it is a simple matter for the mind. It is after all the soul, the true self, that acts to liberate itself, and that apparently does so as independently of the mind’s intentions as it is indifferent to its deliberations. And even so, I manage to delay the process, including (or especially) by attempting to accelerate the process. The best-laid plans of the minds of men gang aft a-gley.
(Smart literary reference for the literate among my readers; from a book, it should probably be noted, I never managed to read—though I may once have tried. Does all this serve to emphasize how cheap even the most venerated words are?)
On the path to finding gold, we not only encounter a lot of dirt and black sand, but also fool’s gold or pyrite. Learning to recognize these things is essential to finding gold. But once we have found it—once we know how to find it—is there any further need for thoughts of pyrite?
This is the crossroads my pen (read: mind) currently finds itself at.
(We have finally landed in the present and gone “meta.”)
After having spent so much time learning and describing the configuration of pyrite (Carlos Castaneda, psychedelics, Seen and Not Seen, Dark Oasis, Prisoner of Infinity, Vice of Kings), and now having found real gold (c.f. Dave Oshana), can I trust my readers to know it when I share it, if all they have seen so far is the fool’s kind?
(A challenge to my readers that conceals, fairly transparently, a challenge for myself.)
There is a tendency in all of us to doubt the worth—the authenticity—of another man’s gold. In which case, it behooves me to point out that this gold I wish to share isn’t really mine. It would be truer to say that I belong to it, just as humans belong to the Earth (where all gold is sourced), and not the Earth to humans.
(A note of humility combined with a nod to the environmentally-oriented.)
Obey the law of matter faithfully and lovingly, without resentment or superiority, and we may start to see that matter, the body, is a map that leads (like the bedrock leads to the paystreak) to the soul, which is the soul of all of us.
(Perhaps the first controversial statement of this piece, which it was working its way towards from the start. Hopefully it arrives without any untoward strains or grunts, but with the natural aplomb of a bowel movement whose time has finally come.)
If we start to align with the will of matter, without succumbing to it, as a parent obeys its child’s whims in order to be a good parent (without regressing to a child-state), we may experience fully what we are that is neither restricted nor defined by matter or the body —even though it is one with our love for these things.
We may become living, loving conduits for spirit.
(The promise lands. Now can we live up to it? That being the royal “we.” But not only.)
So it is that the human meets the “E.T.” within, in an act of love, the child of which is true perception-perfection: an Aha! moment as the sphere meets and becomes the infinite space that contains it.
(Re-introducing the E.T., double entendre fully intended. Now you have handled the pyrite, open up to the sensation of the real deal.)
To know thyself is to be thyself, through all the layers, head in the stars, hands in the dirt, feet on the ground. It is a moment (zero distance) in which the world finally stops for us to get off, to re-enter, not only Nature at large, but our own natures, within, natures that lie infinitely beyond the natural world.
(Any Christians present can breathe out and formally relax: I am not advocating devil worship.)
This that we are, the soul that sees all, yet is captured by nothing it sees. Because the act of seeing—of loving grace—transforms everything that is so seen, into itself.
(To end on a theological cliff-hanger, of sorts. We are talking about that which Thou art, finally.)
***
P.S. Dave Oshana will be making a rare & inevitably sensational (& surreal) appearance on his old stomping ground of London, England, on July 28th.
“(This will mean next to nothing to anyone who has no experience like it. It barely means anything to me—my mind—now the experience is precisely two weeks in the past. Yet I know it to be true.)”
Are you still in that ‘state’? If not, can you revisit ‘it’? Is it a constant ‘state of awareness/being’ or does it require ‘effort/intention’ to maintain?
The questions above are lacking precision and are inadequate. But, let’s just say for the sake of argument that I understand you and have had experience of the ineffable. If possible, could you please explain the im/permanence of the experience.
I can’t answer whether I am still in that “state” with a clear yes or no. Yes & no. My awareness has moved over time from that “raw” state to a more familiar, routinary state with the added element of memory-awareness of the “lost” or receded state. The desire to return to it with a lack of precise sense of how to, or even whether it’s really required.
The only effort-intention I know of that;s required is one of inhibiting automatic reactions, behaviors, & habits (around diet or other forms of consumption, for example, or breathing or body posture) that might dull the body’s innate awareness, since AFAICT the soul-sensation depends on increased sensitivity of, and to, the body’s natural faculties.
When waiting for the perfect, effort-free bowel movement, there are things it is OK to do (read a book, sing a song), because they allow one to remain in the correct position for requisite period of time; other activities, like washing one’s car or nipping down to the corner store, are non-conducive to the desired event.
The responses above are lacking precision & are inadequate – but I know you understand. 😉
Inhibiting automatic reactions, behaviours, habits and routine sounds like a good plan…
I wrote what I hoped would be a rather insightful and, I’m dreaming” eloquent response to your ideas, then forgot to hit the post button. Go figure.
Best laid plans of mice and woman. I had a mouse in my house last week. I killed the mouse. That was with my true self, my soul, which is the only spontaneous part of me.
I’m a retired placer miner so I know about black sand and my claustrophobia. I remain above ground, thank you. However a new perplexing symptom has taken hold of me. That is, every time I enter the throne room, with book in hand, I think of you. lol
“Sensation comes closer to the language of the soul than word or thought ever can.”
Et verbum caro factum est 😉
This was good, but having grasped the point, I didn’t read it all.
There was a reason to say it, it might have been just what someone needed to hear, and I’m happy for you.
Quite witty to include your own works in the pyrite, but we needn’t devalue the relative.
The opposite of liberation is de-liberation, isn’t just playing with words, that’s a pretty good
“finger pointing to the moon.” The playing around with words is what you did afterwards, when you criticized yourself.
I wasn’t equating my works to pyrite but to including descriptions of pyrite as part of an ongoing manual for gold-prospecting.
The meta-commentary introduced itself as a necessary “grounding” for the more abstract & poetic passages, and as a way to include the reader, or a particular side of them, in the process.
Eliphas Levi:
“Judge not; speak hardly at all; love and act.” That about says it all, wish I’d figured that out sooner.
Eliphas Levi, bleh.
There could be many languages in the soul. Music, for me is nearest my heart, I make it. I hear it. I experience it. Is it the harmonics which ring clearest in my ear or the anticipation of a dis harmonic chord? And anything written and performed in a minor key brings tears to my eyes. My soul responds because it has the capacity to love.
last week’s vid
https://youtu.be/OY2E_5CkLXU?t=700
today’s event
https://youtu.be/_Xt0naILz_c
You said “feet on the ground” and this reminds me how our souls (spelling is different but sound the same for a reason) are on the bottom of our feet. ‘We are grounded’ – the electrical charge completes the cycle. When you don’t ground an electrical charge, you may have a spark (or arc.) By being grounded, we lose our spark. Ground = soil or Earth.
No schooling nor church going ever taught me how to know thyself. Why the big secret? The folks running this show know. TV and other media will tell me about (mother) nature and the joys found hugging a tree or saving a whale but not how to know my soul.
A lovely lady on youtube described how she was being approached by various men. They were immediately smitten with her and wanted to date or even marry her. She described the situation as though the men were attracted to ‘something’, not her physically. She determined Love is a state of being – not an emotion. It was as if the men were craving what she had.
I suppose my Twitter commen should suffice but if we’re spirits in the material world (which is the matrix), then the sensory experience is the whole point of it. A disembodied entelechy can philosophize endlessly, but to feel anything at all you have to incarnate. Buy the ticket. Take the ride.
Once again, showing bravery to step forward
I enjoyed your processing of the event very much, Jasun. Many years ago and after a long two years of therapy I agreed to try on a new behavior in the face of someone’s criticism. Where I usually felt wounded I instead substituted for that pain a quiet and followed my therapist’s suggestion. I took ownership of my unintended slight which seemed to cause another’s fury with me and I offered a sincere apology, but I offered back to the person his ownership the degree to which he was upset. I asked if there were any way I might help him with something else that might be causing his huge reaction to an unintended slight. He reacted in just the manner my therapist said he would. He apologized and said he didn’t want to talk about it, something I might have done if I hadn’t been trying to discover the why of my own actions.
While I’m sure that event may sound reasonable to a less sensitive person, the event sparked in me a change so intense I’ve never been able to describe the experience. The two questions I asked myself were, “If I can have been so wrong about what motivates people, what more have I been wrong about? If I can see the love in another who has wronged me, if my world view has been a fraud, what now?” I began to have totally weird down loads that made me physically flinch, but I have no idea today what they included because there were no words included, just some knowledge thereafter that humans needed to be seen for what they really are, many lost to misguided emotion from psyches burdened with effects of past events.
There were stranger occurrences which may have had to do with consulting what I thought might have been my soul, but I’ll never know. Having lived many years since that time I can only say that while what I learned I’ve carried with me, it can be easy to get caught up with every day grievances that cause me to forget and regret behavior. But I now have the tools to wake up and set right my emotional meter and see clearly where I wrong myself. It’s okay, though I wish I could live accordingly within my knowledge and love. When I can, people are drawn to me, but that can be burdensome as well. Aha moments are tricky that way. For me, and I suspect others, the effects dull and we have to use very human skills to remember what we know. Or I just didn’t graduate with the degree.
Still, your power to describe your event rang true. The ineffable. So close to describing it and I thank you for the reminder.
@CC
“I began to have totally weird down loads that made me physically flinch, but I have no idea today what they included because there were no words included, just some knowledge thereafter that humans needed to be seen for what they really are, many lost to misguided emotion from psyches burdened with effects of past events. ”
Fascinating and congruent with my experiences and observations.
BTW were the flinches momentary or more complex?
I felt as though something had hit me on top of my head each time, Dave. They were momentary and I think there were probably five of them. But through that time period i was able to return to a state of walking meditation, for won’t of a better term, at any time I would find myself alone. It seemed to be a matter of integration. I stayed in therapy for a while for the same outcome. Maybe the hits to my head were just a call to attention, but I’ll never know.
@CC
I have been tracking the phenomenon of involuntary movements in those going through awakening. The movements, like all body language, gives crucial information about inner processes, more than verbalisation, including linguistic slips (which your comment has).
Were the flinches momentarily and radiating from your brain downwards? If you can recall the full sensations, then you might be able to revisit the phenomena if certain conditions exist.
What I remember is my wondering if I might have been tapped on my head,, my shoulders rising defensively and wondering what was happening to me. I don’t remember physical sensation beyond that point. I just knew I was different somehow after each, certainly more aware of everything and everyone around me in relation to what was happening to me. The flinching happened in front of other people and while I was lost in thought in spite of their presence.
I’ve left out part of the story because it’s too weird even for me. Those meditations were full of information and they often would even happen while I was driving my car in my neighborhood. During those times I was in what others describe as a blissful state. How I drove without being aware of the mechanics of driving or without remembering how I reached a destination should have been distressing, but none of it was. I seemed to be in communication, protected and loved. The meditations were full of simple truth and one, in my shower rather than in a car, found me in space feeling it’s vast expanse was akin to the enormity of what we are, the connection of all as well as the depth to which we delude ourselves. So I remember feeling many sensations later, but only mild shock at the taps and flinching.
For the time being I have almost no time alone to work on revisiting because it’s a solitary effort. I’m in the midst of family every day again and it has been rewarding in that I have to be mindful of so many. I’m back in practice as necessity calls, but I will be happy to try recalling more and thank you for the suggestion. Maybe this is a good time after all.
That IS revealing. I’m currently building my last home in proximity to my children so the call goes deeper than I imagined. Uprooting is stressful and much like the deliberating Jasun mentions.
Trust him/myself. Yes, I see. Somewhere below I do trust myself or I couldn’t have ventured into the discussion. I’m asking for help. My help.
The “won’t” slip is just blatant refusal of encountering the fear and beyond, my soul. I now have essential seizures in my hands which makes typing more difficult so I initially blamed my hand for slipping, but that’s another convenient denial.
I do thank you, Dave. You’re kindness in delivering your help has been soothing and insightful. I’m encouraged to let denial fall away again. I’ll keep up with this thread and the podcasts, but it’s time for a shower.
Interesting. Involuntary movements. When I get them I instantly begin to think, Huntington’s chorea, or ALS, and a few others besides. Not pleasant. I’m sure you’d agree. Then there are fascilations attributed to other neurological conditions, and just plain jerks and snaps, and it’s all too much for me. Always had a fear of anything incurable.
Involuntary movements. Much of my life has consisted of involuntary s-h-i-t. But I’m content and pretty happy all the same.
Cheers
@CC
“I’ve left out part of the story because it’s too weird even for me. Those meditations were full of information…”
It sounds like a forgotten, under-used part of yourself, possibly wise, intelligent and natural, is making itself more conspicuous in a bid for conscious integration. It may happen by itself no matter what environment you find yourself in, now that you have been moved to bring it up again, especially since showering is an unavoidable activity.
Yes, I’ve done the walking meditations off and on for years until a few years ago when a man spoke to me in my kitchen, a man I couldn’t see whose voice seemed only two to three feet away. He only said a very pleasant, “Hello,” but it startled me and I haven’t been confident in the practice since then.
One of my children had very recently been diagnosed as bi-polar and the agony she and the family went through until she was in better shape was too fresh. I wondered if I might be hearing a voice, or soon, voices. She needed me with my feet on the ground so I gave it all up because of that as well as being scared of myself. It seems silly that I’ve been reluctant to reassert myself when I realize how long It’s been since I practiced.
I was probably drawn to Jasun’s experience be cause I’ve learned to trust him myself. I would like to trust me again.
” I would like to trust me again.”
And you’ll discover that when you do that everything finally has a home.
I’ll point out a few of your revealing slips:
“I was probably drawn to Jasun’s experience be cause I’ve learned to trust him myself. ”
“for won’t of a better term”
@CC
” I now have essential seizures in my hands which makes typing more difficult so I initially blamed my hand for slipping, but that’s another convenient denial.”
You seem to know that you are stopping your own revelations. Usually the cause is fear of the consequences of change. I lectured on this recently to spiritual seekers who whilst enjoying the life-changing effects of Enlightenment Transmission were afraid of a complete life change.
The hand seizures are another kind of involuntary movement.
I’m not worried about having to resign my worldly possessions. I’m not concerned anyone I know and love will reject me. I know they benefit greatly when I have been able to move beyond ego. I benefit greatly. There is no effort in loving and understanding because it just is.
From having read often enough about journeys through a “dark night of the soul” I’m not inclined. That I want to avoid if such an event exists. That frightens me because it sounds truly awful I’m truly needed in my world just as I am and who I can occasionally become. I think that’s my bottom line. That’s what scares me. I can’t think why anyone should suffer shedding themselves of ego to the extent they may be harmed in order to learn who they are. It seems senseless and an ego journey of its own.
That’s what the man’s voice originally represented to me. I’ve come to rethink the position, but I haven’t shed fear of the surprise. I learned I do fear what’s next if that’s an option.
The Dark Night of the Soul did not happen to me before Enlightenment. The phrase sounds like a mischaracterisation or else it’s slippery and ambiguous. Agony is division, being isolated from the soul. You are lucky to know that you are supported, but do you feel it 100%?
My hand shaking is involuntary. I’d never equated it with the previous flinching, but I’ll take your implied suggestion that it may be more than a family trait. That’s the sort of surprise I need.
I’m also very interested in your lecture and podcasts here. I’ll be listening as I can because I’m drawn. I’ve read articles and portions of Jasun’s Blog for a good while, but I’ve had little time for podcasts until now. Im going to make the time.
Opps, those involuntary slip hits just keep on coming. I’m going to, I swear.
The slip hits and other leaks will continue until your internal communications system are unified. The psychosomatic issue may be learned obfuscation, how your ancestral line have used language to cover-up important and trivial truths. To which typo do you refer? There are plenty of public and private materials showing my interactions and participant experiences. You just have to cross the invisible divide.
Yes, I explored your website last night and see there are online events that interest me. I signed up getting notice of your appearances in the US. I’ve watched brief videos of some of your talks and found no woo woo that would turn me off.
I’m intrigued particularly now of your research into how family language is translated into physical blocking of course, but your mention of the seemingly supernatural events and gifts that sometimes occur interest me. I’ve heard no one attempt to discuss this and I agree it isn’t fair to leave them out of discussion. That in particular has hung me in the past. I’ve been told to ignore them which seems counterintuitive to integration. My family wishes to ignore the occurrences because of their discomfort which makes me suspect anyone who would give me such advice fraudulent or not willing to scare off seekers. Many things have happened since my awakening and I get zip in the way of explanation.
I don’t feel 100% supported from my family and friends, but I’ve always known they would accept my conversion, if you will. I attended a retreat of sorts with like minded friends years ago and though my family was disturbed, the effect it had on my interactions with them afterward was very positive. I doubt I will lose close friends because each of us is so very different from the other. We’ve loved each other and offered support for 65 years now along with all our differences. They already think I’m weird! Family as well. I hope I’ll deal with fallout from an enlightened perspective in any case.
Good news about that dark night business. I can’t imagine everyone having to experience the agony in order to find bliss permanently. Fear is enough to do the job of avoiding bliss.
while Dave can testify to an experience of enlightenment that had no relation to a Dark Night of the Soul, on my end of the caterpillar I can say I have had a few DNOTS and none of them led to de-knotting or enlightenment. I think it’s a case of taking an element of the process and fixating on it so that it becomes unnecessarily emphasized – similar to how supernatural and psychic experiences can also be over-emphasized, hence the suggestion to “ignore” them, which as you say, makes no sense if taken literally; I would say give them no more weight or importance than other sensory impressions, since the mind’s tendency is to obsess over both thess aspects, the dark and distressing, and the exciting and fantastic (sometimes they are the same).
while I feel that detoxification, social de-conditioning, and confronting and letting go of delusions is a painful process, if it’s concentrated in such a way that it becomes the whole process, even the catalyst for transformation (as in all the superhero stories), then we may be overriding natural and necessary psychological and physical checks and bounds that are there to prevent too rapid, rude, or premature awakening. We are then in the realm of traumagenesis, i.e., using traumatic experiences to force our consciousness to disassociate from the ego, but also from the body. This can create faux spiritual experiences that are really just psychic overloads, and in the long run keep us out of wholeness.
this whole set-up seems designed to ensure that the people approach the question of enlightenment/healing/wholeness in all the wrong ways and for all the wrong reasons. The gentle of heart, who may be most naturally geared towards it, are scared off or otherwise dis-couraged, and the gung-ho heaven stormers rush in like it’s a test of their spiritual machismo.
Thank you, Jasun. You’ve put things in perspective well. Until the voice I have had nothing, but good experiences, but that is probably because I have been caught up in the fantastic at times, as you mention. With time they have settled into an occasional routine. I’m pleased those are helpful, but It seems apparent I want to be scared off or I wouldn’t try to prolong the process.
I feel like I stumbled into seeing delusion when I needed it most, but I had no reference for what was happening. But that wasn’t unpleasant for me and had the immediate effect of self forgiveness. Still, I haven’t attempted to go further into the process since my scare. I think I’m ready or maybe it’s just that I want to be ready, but I won’t know until I try.
I am aware of my actions most of the time because I’ve been trained to spot my wrong thinking, but it’s just something I learned in therapy. It seldom moved me beyond ego after the onset of the honeymoon phase. What moves me beyond is quiet moments alone and those times just seem something I stumble into as well. I certainly fell into meditations unprompted after learning to meditate, but that took some time. I deliberately stopped falling away and I’m hoping I’m removing that particular block again by talking about it. I’m hoping Dave can help.
Nothing has worked until this point but my feeling my way through the maze. I’m going to try something new because I haven’t the luxury of time I used to squander. I appreciate your taking the time to explain what you have. “Gung-ho heaven stormers” is a phrase I won’t soon forget, but I won’t let it distract me. It’s just wonderfully descriptive of some of the authors I’ve come across and has given me a bit more confidence.
” I’ve been told to ignore them which seems counterintuitive to integration. ”
It’s unwise to ignore what is in your environment.